Review: Smoke and Liquor, Rochester

Rochester's epic castle

Rochester’s epic castle

I love Rochester, it’s loaded with character and history, I just wish it attracted more hipsters. Purely for their tendency to cause delicious food and drink venues to appear, you understand. Although I can report that Rochester has at least one decent place for a bite.

I can’t help but think they might have named Smoke and Liquor better. I get it, smoke relates to the barbecue that drives a good bit of the menu. But… well, unless we’re now completely in the post-cigarette age, “smoke and liquor” just sounds a bit like a seedy dive bar.

Smoke n Liquor - no dive

Smoke n Liquor – no dive

It’s not, it’s lovely inside. They’ve looked after the interior of what is a bloody old building, maybe 17th century or sommat, but given it a modern hipster/barbecue vibe. The staff need more tattoos, but apart from that minor point it was great. We stopped for a lunch of small plates, so we didn’t really give the BBQ a proper try.

And the food was way better than I expected from Rochester. Slow cooked oxtail on cornbread worked well with a warm chilli heat. Goat cheese croquettes were really satisfyingly goatsome, with a blob of sriracha mayo on the side for warmth. Tempura asparagus with gin-cured salmon had a great combination of texture going on, with a thick slice of toothsome salmon, al dente

Asparagus and salmon

Asparagus and salmon

asparagus and the crunch of batter. Nice salsa verde as well, to give it some welly. Smoked haddock dashi. Interesting idea, and very pleasantly smoky haddock. The dashi was gently flavoursome, with herbs and bamboo shoot, and fragments of samphire. The samphire was brilliant – like a salty little POP whenever you got a bit in your mouthful of soothing broth.

Maybe £20 each would make a good meal out of small plates, before drinks, and that’s perfectly good value for the quality. They’ve got a ridiculous number of gins available, along with a wide collection of other booze. I wouldn’t expect great things from the wine list, but the beer selection is solidly crafty. Nice one, Rochester.

Ox cheek small plate

Ox cheek small plate

Review: Brigadiers, City of London

Brigadiers, in the city

Brigadiers, in the city

I like a place where they’ve put some effort into the decor and taken their own road, rather than following along with the latest identikit hipster trends. On the other hand, I’m not sure whether it’s very PC to enjoy the gloriously British-colonial club atmosphere at Brigadiers. Well, at least “the Brigadier” who gazes down on the dining room is quite definitely an Indian officer of the Raj, with sad jowls and toothbrush moustache.

I’m not sure what he’d make of the food, though. It’s Indian street food meets modern barbecue, it’s all bloody delicious, and as usual I’ve eaten too much.

Smoked aubergine roti

Smoked aubergine roti

Poppadoms and chutneys are okay. Smoked aubergine on tiny rotis with burnt corn is absolutely top-boss awesome, deeply smokey and ravishing. Beef keema with bonemarrow is rip-snortingly amazeballs, packed with flavour and humming with smoky cardamom goodness. Goat belly vindaloo samosas! The pastry is seriously crispy. Like, you could use these little triangles as shuriken! But the goat inside is velvety boss-level great, spankingly hot but elegantly so.

Oh, and it’s worth pausing to note that – like other modern Indian places I love – at Brigadiers they’ve paid a lot of attention to creating truly memorable alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages that go down nicely with all these layers of spice.

Gnarly ribs

Gnarly ribs

The main event is a BBQ rack of pork ribs with a wild boar rajma. The rajma is a new one on me: textured like a dal but based on beans rather than lentils. Anyway. RIBS! These bad boys are just meltingly perfect meat. But wow oh wow… whatever devilry they have been basted in knocks my socks straight off my feet. As usual, I struggle to pick out the individual spices, but there’s a tripily bitter fruit flavour that I think might be amchoor mango powder…? Anyway, it’s straight out gorgeous.

No room for pudding, I sip my (beautiful) cup of chai slowly as possible but still have to waddle out onto the street. Stuffed again. You’d probably look at £25-£30 each before drinks for a proper stuffing. There’s massive flavour. I’d happily eat here a lot.

The Brigadier

The Brigadier

Review: The Gunton Arms, Norfolk

Meat on fire. Meat good.

Meat on fire. Meat good.

Some places are destined to stick in the memory. Not because they cooked the most perfect food that ever passed my lips. Just because they’re doing something really cool and there’s nowhere else quite like it. Such is The Gunton Arms, in the middle of nowhere, Norfolk.

In the main room of the Gunton Arms there is a bloody huge fireplace. It looks like it’s been there forever. In fact, it looks like the whole pub was built around this fireplace. Hanging above the stone lintel are the ginormous 2,000 year old antlers of an Irish elk. I don’t know why. But it’s awesome. And the ceiling is covered in rough wood planking.

And this fireplace has a grill built into the hearth, and a chef spends the whole evening standing there, occasionally throwing more logs onto the fire and then throwing huge slabs of 28 day aged ribs of beef onto the grill. The flames leap and roar, lapping over the grill and around the meat, and to one side a huge tray of potatoes roast. I have no idea how he survives: our table is fifteen feet away and the heat is palpable.

It’s bloody brilliant.

Rib

Rib

Their speciality is a rib to share between two, and when he throws the giant chunk of red goodness on the flames you just can’t help thinking how the bloody hell are we going to eat that? When it arrives at table, seared black with carcinogenic goodness on the outside and insanely tenderly red on the inside, you still can’t help thinking how the hell are we going to eat that? Sure enough, there’s a doggy bag at the end. It would be a sin to waste this meat.

The roast potatoes are awesome too. Seriously crispy on the outside. Seriously. Like, you could break windows with them. But in a good way! Crunch, crunch, crunch. Made a really nice counterpoint to the silky meat.

Sweetbread n spelt

Sweetbread n spelt

I oughta say that starters and puds were really good too. Lamb sweetbreads in a rich gravy along with the nutty flavour of pearled spelt. And a simple salad of blue cheese, pickled walnuts and sweet beetroots can’t go wrong. Sea buckthorn posset was vivid amber and had the true puckering citric flavour of the seaside berries. So, y’know, there’s good stuff either side of the main event.

The pub rambles over five or six rooms, but for the full experience you gotta book yourself a table in the Elk Room. Not that the rest of the place is dull. There’s a great collection of art hung on the walls, much of it mildly pornographic and none of it dull. I liked the little shagging dinosaurs.

It’ll be £45 for 3 courses before drinks if you do the righteous thing and have a steak, maybe £32 if you opt for a more ordinary main course (the venison stew was great, and shot just outside the back door). If life ever takes you to north Norfolk, spend an evening at the Gunton Arms.

The unique Gunton Arms

The unique Gunton Arms

Review: Twist, Marylebone

Boquerones with lemon goo

Boquerones with lemon goo

Quick one. We stopped for lunch at a little place called Twist on the edge of Marylebone. It has somehow become popular with oriental tourists, or at least seems to have on the basis of three other tables being served.

It’s small plates, basically mixed Mediterranean with some Peruvian and Japanese influences thrown in for kicks. None of which feels contrived, although to be fair the menu was light on the non-Mediterranean elements.

Nibbles. Nduja and potato croquettes were excellent, a good tang of smoke in with the romesco sauce they came with. Big friendly, vinegary boquerones with a drizzle of lemony sauce also tasty.

Courgette flower, stuffed good

Courgette flower, stuffed good

My favourite dish was their signature: courgette flowers stuffed with the lightest ricotta, flavoured with Amalfi lemon and mint, drizzled with pungent honey. They had been fried in a shiveringly delicate batter and were the most soothing and tasty thing ever.

Lamb chops on smoky aubergine goop were delish. Slow-cooked Mangalitza pork belly was drop-dead gorgeous. Beautiful gravy and the blobs of burnt onion puree were a good touch. Carrot puree a bit sweetly dull. We accompanied these two meaty wonders with a hispi cabbage, quartered and blackened to heck on the Josper. There is nothing better than burnt cabbage.

I managed to squash in a pudding too. Tiny little rings of grilled pineapple with a really zingy sorrel and apple sorbet, slick creme patisserie and crumbly chocolate biscuit bits. Top notch.

You’re probably looking at £38 each for a satisfying meal before drinks, which is kinda steep but we’re kinda in Marylebone. There’s other places around here that I want to explore, but if you’re looking for a splendid meal in this part of town then I wouldn’t hesitate to recommend Twist.

Tiny pineapple ring pud

Tiny pineapple ring pud

Review: Artis, Blackheath

Artis

Artis

You’ll not have heard of Artis unless, like me, you live in Blackheath. It’s a new bar/restaurant that’s opened in the building that was previously an outlying branch of Locale, tucked away in a side road. They don’t seem to have done any PR and their social media is refreshingly amateur. The Sunday lunch photo on Twitter looks like a photo taken by a food blogger and captioned “I bloody hate Sunday lunches”. Now I’m here, I’m not sure whether they’ve even redecorated? So with low expectations we stop in for a bite of supper.

And they manage to limbo right under our already low bar. I go for salmon with wilted wild garlic and nduja roast jersey royals. The char-grilled asparagus, potatoes and ransoms are actually pretty decent. But the salmon has been mercilessly cooked to a steaming hot uniform off-white, a bit dry at the edges. It’s edible, but then so is a tin of spaghetti hoops.

Sad burger

Sad burger

Maureen goes for the wagyu burger with truffle fries. I think they forgot the truffle oil. Nevermind, I’m sure it would have been nasty. So what I’m really intrigued to know is how you manage to make a burger taste like its been boiled? My hunch is that it’s quite a thick lump of beef, and yet the texture is very finely ground – more like a McDonald’s patty – so perhaps all the liquid gets trapped inside and steams the meat? Or something? I dunno, whatever, it tastes utterly wrong. Edible, but then so is a McDonald’s burger.

And with all this, I might have cut them some slack. It’s a new place, the staff were friendly and keen to help. But they’re taking £17 for that lump of salmon and £18.50 for a burger that Gourmet f*cking Burger Kitchen would be embarrassed to serve. So Artis is just taking the piss. They’re going to have to massively up their game or I think they might not last.

Salmon

Salmon